The Green Lantern

Ryan Reynolds as the Green Lantern

I was seriously excited for the next installment of DC Comics’ superhero series: the Green Lantern. I was also seriously disappointed in it. The plot of any superhero movie is guaranteed to be outlandish –even the more scientifically plausible films such as Iron Man and Batman. That’s why they are called “super,” which means above, greater, or beyond (in this case, reality and human ability). This movie, however, was absurd. I can handle biological research gone awry, or your average Joe developing superhuman abilities from government projects attempting to create super-soldiers. In fact, Iron Man and Captain America: the First Avenger are my favorite superhero films (they are both Marvel productions, by the way).The Green Lantern, directed by Mr. Martin Campbell, is just dumb. It has no intelligence. It probably appeals to children fewer than 12 years old, which is a shame, because the target audience is much older and smarter. There is one moment of comedy: when someone tells Hal Jordan (played by Ryan Reynolds) to watch his back, he responds coolly, “That’s impossible.” Of course everyone loves Ryan Reynolds. He is sweet, hilarious, and, in general, he is the man. He is not the issue with this movie; He was actually the only aspect I liked at all. The problem was Blake Lively’s despicable effort. The problem was the giant black cloud Parallax, the essence of fear. It was the dying purple alien. It was the travel of innumerable light years in mere seconds. It was the fact that a ring could literally harness willpower. There are 3,600 sectors of this Green Lantern universe that hold life, and our advanced human race has failed to find one extra-terrestrial life form? But those things could be overlooked. What really chaps my ass is when a scientist of no academic significance named Hector, (who has minimal qualifications within an imaginary field of study) is chosen by the government to study the dead Abin Sur (the purple alien), when some of the “fear” from Parallax that killed Abin latches itself to a cut on Hector and advances his cranium several sizes. I saw this (see below) and nearly walked out.

This is our villain all done up!

The rest of the film is Ryan Reynolds trying to fight these two antagonists with the Green Lantern and Power Ring. Our beloved evil doctor has apparently developed enough brain power to sufficiently master telekinesis within days. Somehow he puts up quite a fight for Hal Jordan, which I find insulting. The Power Ring supposedly masters willpower, thus its abilities are, for all intents and purposes, unlimited. And yet, Mr. Reynolds is unable to defeat this disproportionate scientist with subpar telekinesis. Outstanding! This weapon should be exponentially more powerful than even superman, but Hal just can’t seem to kill this ass-clown. He should be equaled only by Dr. Manhattan, master of the universe, capable of bending its laws to his will. Alas, no such rationality exists within this movie. Instead, in the end, he flies to the sun, hoping to draw Parallax near enough to be pulled in by the sun’s gravity (even though this black cloud has no discernible mass).Fortunately, at the last second, Hal conjures two jet fighters (presumably because he is the best pilot in history or whatever) to prevent him from being sucked into and destroyed by the sun. Subsequently, Parallax is pulled in, and Hal is saved by his fellow Green Lantern Corps buddies who had abandoned him earlier in the film. How touching. Then, at the very end, the Green Lantern Commander places a yellow ring of fear on his finger, indicating his journey to evil is well on its way. Can you say sequel??? Please don’t. The only justice I felt delivered was the film’s performance at the box office: it grossed roughly $206 million worldwide, or just more than Lethal Weapon 2. I find that pretty damn impressive, and I think most would agree. However, in considering its budget of an estimated $200 million, a $6 million profit is abysmal.  In contrast, James Cameron’s Avatar, the highest grossing film of all time, used an eerily similar budget to produce a spectacular movie and…wait for it… over 2.5 BILLION dollars in profit. Better luck next time, DC Comics. 

Ryan graces the cover of Entertainment Weekly

The Green Lantern was an impossible movie with terrible acting, concepts, and effects. The only part I liked was Ryan Reynolds. And Blake Lively is hot as hell. Official Redrew: one half-star (out of five).